EVER wanted to get something off your chest?
New TV series A Boob’s Life, starring Salma Hayek, is about a woman whose breasts spring to life and start dishing out words of wisdom to her.
Salma Hayek is making a show about a woman whose breasts spring to life and start dishing out words of wisdomCredit: salmahayek/Instagram
Actress Salma, 54, said: “We give the breast a voice that takes us through the life of a woman from a unique perspective that often we don’t dare to see.”
So what would your boobs say if they had a voice? Here, five famous faces bare all.
I’D like to think my boobs would not be shy like me and instead have a bit of attitude.
They’d say: “You should have given that actor, Robert Downey Junior, a right good telling off when you had to interview him live on This Morning.
Lorraine Kelly says her boobs would have told her to give Robert Downey Jr a ‘good telling off’
“The future star of the Iron Man franchise was, at this point in his career, clearly somewhat ‘refreshed’ and wandering around the studio in his bare feet looking rather befuddled.
“You managed to get him to sit down during the opening titles, but his glassy-eyed opening gambit to us was: ‘Nice tits’.
“You chose to smile sweetly, ignore the remark and soldier on with a pretty toe-curling interview.
“We wanted to hit back with a zinger and sternly tell him to grow up, behave himself and not to be so bloody rude.”
TWELVE years ago I was diagnosed with advanced breast cancer.
Here’s what my boobs would have said then: ”Hello? Is anyone there? I feel that after 22 years attached to you it’s about time you noticed me a bit more?
Coppafeel founder Kris thinks her boobs would have told her to get checkedCredit: Stewart Williams – The Sun
“Because right now things aren’t normal.
“Right now I have a 6cm x 9cm malignant tumour in the left part of me and I’m sorry to say that the cancerous cells have found a way to your lymph nodes and your lower spine.
“But I will forgive you for not being more aware. Soon you will go to the GP.
I need you to ask for a referral and to be seen by the breast clinic.
“The sooner we diagnose it and get treatment, the better. OK? And then we will start a charity called CoppaFeel, but we’ll tell you more about that later!”
I’D like to call this a love letter, but now it’s more like a long-distance affair.
“Peta, we just wanted to let you know we miss you. We miss being up under your chin, like the good old days when science didn’t seem to apply to us.
Peta Todd says her breasts would tell her they miss herCredit: Lancton 2020
“However, like death and taxes, the inevitable foe – in the form of gravity – has caught us both and was accelerated by the four babies that you grew.
“We slowly began to drift apart, so subtly we didn’t notice at first. But before we knew it we were under your arms when you laid down.
“Our fondness of the ‘us’ of yesteryear is strong. We know you still respect us when you tuck a hand inside your bra to find us soft and warm when you’re sleepy. And now your children snuggle into us and fall asleep.
“High or low, we will always be bosom buddies, and don’t you forget that, even if we don’t fill out that strapless bikini top any more. It’s not you it’s us. Breast friends forever.”
I WAS flat-chested at school. It was only when I turned 16 that my chest sprouted out to a D cup.
If my boobs could speak, they would have said: “Give us a little more time. We might be causing you some grief now and making you feel like you are inadequate.
Rhian Sugden thinks her boobs would have told her to ignore the body-shamersCredit: Instagram
“Ignore those body-shaming bullies. When we arrive, we are going to change your life.
“All those people that make you upset and insecure because of your lack of boobs will soon be getting an eyeful and ogling you as you make a successful career for yourself.
“You must then ignore those people again, as they will then find a way to bring you down for having us and showing us off.
“Don’t let anyone make you feel ashamed of your body. Oh, and please make sure you sit us in nicely fitted, well-supported bras. Thanks.”
IF my boobs could talk to me, I figure this is exactly what they would say: “Hey, Jonsson. We’re really sorry we arrived late to the puberty party.
“We know you were desperate for some kind of evidence of development for a long time. And then, it turns out, you become an ungrateful mare by deciding we were too big for you!
If Ulrika’s boobs could talk to her, they’d apologise for arriving late to the puberty partyCredit: Tim Stewart News Limited
“Granted, it was embarrassing when guys tried to grapple with us. But then you got pregnant. Again, and again, and again. And we became like giant bongos. So you had us reduced.
“You carried on smiling because you liked us smaller and, if we’re honest, we think we’re neater and more pert this way, too.
“But we wish you’d make us available for the odd fondle once in a while and stop being so hung up about us. With you, we just can’t win.”
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